Parents talking with a daughter

3. Reject the Lies and Manipulation

When there are signs of being addicted, expect the lies and manipulation to occur, and you will not be caught off-guard when they do.

Daughter looking lost

When a person becomes addicted, it’s almost as though there is a special skill set that goes along with it. The mind becomes the servant of the drugs. He becomes expert at lying his way out of tough situations. He also learns how to turn the tables on someone trying to save his life, making it their fault that he is abusing drugs.

Grasp these two facts:

  • Along with drug abuse comes a moral and ethical decay.
  • Cravings for more drugs or alcohol can be so overwhelming that the user feels crazy. He feels totally justified in saying or doing anything necessary to get people to leave him alone so he can continue to abuse drugs. It feels as essential as breathing for him to do this.

So you don’t need to be surprised when the lies come. You will need to sharpen your detective skills, verify the stories, and refuse to let yourself be manipulated. You don’t deserve it.

How to do it wrong: A wife notes that her husband is not leaving for work and has a new dent in his truck. She asks what happened. The husband replies that at work, a delivery truck backed into him and when he asked for compensation, he got fired. He was tired of that job anyway and he’s going to take some time off from working. The wife notes that because there seems to be money missing out of the budget each month, many bills are already past due. She objects to his taking time off when there are bills that need to be paid. Her husband turns on her, accusing her of not being supportive of his need for some time off. After all, she took two years off after the babies were born. He berates her and belittles her until she yields and tells him to do whatever he wants to do.

How to do it right: This example presents a difficult situation that simply may require outside help. The support of other family members, family doctor or minister or an interventionist may be required to fully cut off the husband’s attempts at intimidation or manipulation. Addiction is a powerful and clever enemy. A helpless spouse, a middle-aged divorced mother, or ailing father, or worst of all perhaps, an elderly grandmother may not have the ability to hold up against this kind of direct assault. The person being lied to or manipulated needs to start by realizing that she is not the one creating this situation. She needs to find sufficient support to deal with it.

In this example, the wife hears the lies and doesn’t reply. She notes all the recent upsets, illnesses and money missing and comes to her own conclusion. She recruits the assistance of other strong, trustworthy family members. The employer is consulted and it turns out the husband was fired for dealing drugs on the work premises. Soon, the addicted person is faced by a group that demands a drug test and then rehab if the drug test is positive.

NEXT: 4. Follow the Money

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